Are You Here To Have FUN?

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


What a fucking perfect way to spend a summer, eh? Jesus, I can't count the many bodies I've bathed in trying to wriggle my way out of captivity like a goddamned worm. Oh, did I tell you? I'm sure someone must've so I'll spare you the trouble. Meh, I don't give a fuck.

Anyway, Dipshit found her way to the hellhole I mentioned. Took her about half an hour to get through the fucking front door. Bitch can't handle a ten foot deep ditch, I guess. Ha! Well, anywho, she finally got her two-cent detective ass in the house. It was quiet, which pissed me off. You can't work your way around traps! That's no fun! Pft! Whatever. It was about five minutes before I threw caution to the fucking wind and decided to make a little surprise visit. Oh ho, it was a surprise alright. 'Course, I'm not one for surprises unless someone gets killed... or if it's someone other than me being surprised. Ugh. The smug slut knew I'd come. Oh, we had a nice chit chat as usual, a bullet or two flew my way but other than that it was just fucking peachy. Especially when she brought little fucks to join the party. Oh, sure, I could fight off those bastards with one arm cut off if I'd wanted. But you know, boredom is a bitch. Besides, it had been awhile since I'd been tortured for information. It was actually more fun than I thought! I might have to do that shit from now on! Hehehe!

So, if you brain dead fucks haven't figured it out yet, that's where I've been for the past few months. I fucking love to scare the living shit out of the people who took me back to headquarters to interrogate. Danced around like jittery little fleas that needed to chill and get laid bad. Ha! Well, aside from it being fun (which in the end, is the only thing that matters!), it turned out pretty damned smart of me to remain in captivity. I always knew what the brainless detective was up to, which was basically fucking around in a wild goose chase. They scoured the house clean except for one room that was hot-wired to a "mini" explosive that would send the whole neighborhood to hell and back in a sea of flames! Eehehehehe, oh, how I wish I could've seen that! But the smart asses didn't even attempt to break through the fucking door. Ugh. Kill-fucking-joys, I swear.

It wasn't long before Birnhaum decided she wanted to talk face to face with yours truly. Sashayed her way in, didn't you, you fuck? By the way, sorry about the arm. I'll be sure to tear it off next time and watch as you bleed to death! Haha! Anyhooters, she sat her skinny ass down across from me. Can't remember what I was doing; I knew I must've flipped the bitch off when she slammed some fucking paperwork on the table between us.

"What's behind the door, Zero?"

"Suck dick, bitch. Your men disabled all my traps. Like fuck I'll cooperate."

She did that lean where her hands gripped the sides of the table and gave me an ugly ass glare. God... I bet she looks just like her jackass mother. "Then why are you here?"

"Fuck if I know." Ha! Bitch didn't give away any kind of sign that she's was annoyed, but ooh, I could sense it. Not used to having things not go your way, eh?

"We've kept you here for five months-" Shit. Got carried away in my fun, didn't I? Hehehe. "-and we've come no closer to closing this case than we did five months ago." You're a pretty dumb bitch, aren't you then? "... The torture can stop. All you have to do is talk."

"Tell you what. Go jump into a pit of fiery molten lava and then we'll fucking talk."

"You said we were the same." Oh fuck, not this again. Bitch seriously let it get to her head. "And I have a feeling I'll find out how when I get through that door."

Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that. But this was interesting. First time in five fucking months since they mentioned opening that goddamned thing. Dumb shits were finally finding a way around the bomb. Pft! At least my time wasn't wasted having fun in this hellhole. Ha! So by this time the bastards probably figured out they needed something from me. Dipshit Detective didn't miss a beat.

"What's the code, Zero?" Bingo.

"1-800-Fuck-the-shit-off-before-I-slice-open-your-throat." Didn't know bitches her age still threw tantrums. Like, seriously, flipping over the goddamned table and knocking me over isn't gonna get you anywhere, dumbass. Still amusing as fuck, though. I swear I busted open a lung or some shit laughing.

Cutting to the chase, quite literally, I'm on a chase. After our little fireside chat, I decided Birnhaum's progress was too fucking close for comfort so I broke out. They had the most creative ways to try and get me to stop, but other than that it was easier than blood pie. Hehe. About fourteen men and the detective herself. Tell me something Birnhaum, how does it feel to have compassion? Hmm? All those people you love and care for, dropping like fucking flies on a hot ass summer day? I'll tell you one thing... at least their blood tastes pretty goddamned amazing. EHEHEHEHEHE!!

So, without further adieu, I've got a bomb to set off. Surviving that thing is going to be FUN. See you fucks later!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

You Wanna Know What My Week Has Been Like?

Shit. This week has just been full of shit. Oh, but why should any of you be surprised? Assumptive bastards. Think you have it all figured out. And now I find myself becoming the prey... Fuck irony. I'll cut it's fucking jaw apart and rip it's body in half.

What? No. I'm not pissed. Like I was with Ella last I saw her. By the way, Ella, you're detective skills can kiss my ass. You're so fucking slow. Wonder how long it'll take before she finds the little present I've left for any intruders who DARE enter that place? A hellhole, that's what it is. Have fun burning in hell, Ella! Ha!

Oh, wait, I guess I have something else to say for those who give a flying rat's ass. Moving on from where I left things off last time, I searched for Dark Entity after my confrontation with Dipshit Detective. Fucker wasn't easy to find; I can only assume he was luring me to lord knows where for environmental advantages or something. The rat finally stayed put long enough to have a fucking conversation with me after about two hours or so worth of chasing. We hit it off nicely~

"Let me start off by saying that if your incessant meddling proceeds beyond this conversation, I'm going to pummel you within an inch of your life, Dark."

He gazed at me through his empty eyes before nodding. I spat at the ground; fucking emotionless bastards. "I'll make things simple, then. You will pursue the Ella girl no further."

"Wrong answer." Before I could even move my scythe by a fraction of a meter, it was abruptly stopped by an extra set of hands; one firmly grasping the scythe and the other with a knife at my throat. I made to kick my assailant in the balls but the little shit smacked me in the back of the legs with the spine of my weapon. I fell to my knees; rolling forward I was able to stand myself upright in time to catch the knife he so willingly gave me right in the bullet hole wound. Unsheathing it from my body, I smiled and laughed as I licked the neck of the bloodstained knife.

"You look tasty. Mind if I have a taste? Heehee!" He crouched lower, the hood of his coat barely concealing the golden hazel glimmer. After which he did so, however, he rose back to an upright stance. I glared as I returned my gaze to Dark.

"If your pursuit for the girl does not desist, I will have him eliminate you at once," he said.

"Too afraid to do it yourself?" I mocked, waving the knife in his direction.

"I cannot concern myself with your mediocre trifles. This is the only warning I am offering you: Do not pursue Birnhaum."

"Any of you goddamned know-it-fucking-alls wanna tell me why before I get the urge to slash your throats?!"

"A proxy gifted with foresight has no need to ask questions." And in one fucking fell swoop, the bastard disappeared taking the assassin along with him. Oh, AND GUESS WHAT?? Assholes took my scythe right along with them!!! Oh, oh! I'm still in possession of the knife, though! You won't be needing this, will you Mister Assassin?? Heehee~

Any-fucking-who, the past week has been a downer. Haven't seen anybody for miles. God fuck, I have the urge to kill something!! Eighty-five won't simply due on my record!!! I need more!! I NEED TO BE FREE.

So, maybe I'll go kill off some boredom and watch Ella run around with her head cut off. Or was the term 'like a chicken with its head cut off'? Oh well!!! I'll be entertained either way! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Looking forward to it, Birnhaum.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Fateful Encounter

Well, well... You enjoy teasing me, don't you, Dark Entity? Like a dollar bill hung on a string, you dangle the fucking thing in my face and watch me chase it without end. You're also the bastard who's making all the people disappear. Just who the hell would it be if it weren't you? But don't take me as another run-of-the-mill proxy. You're stupid trick is just an elaborate, twisted game of hide-and-seek.

Moving along... the location the lovely Mr. Saint escorted me to after his oh so perfect interruption turned out to be in a wooded area of Wisconsin. Wonderful. I tried reaching closer to civilization, but whaddya know, everyone up and left town moments before. What a coincidence. I broke into a nearby house and printed out a map in case this piece of shit decided to die on me. Or got no reception. Whatever.

It took me two whole goddamned days to teleport back to the west coast. It would've taken me one but I figured the attention humans would give me at the sudden sight of my apparition would get me on some proxy's shit list. Death does not concern me, but I'll be damned if that bitch lives and breathes on my watch.

Which brings me to the main event. I made it to my destination without any delays. I could have teleported in the middle of the fuckin' city and it wouldn't have mattered, but retard me decided to keep low. And, with wonderful luck, I wasn't the only one.

We hit things off great. Greeted each other face to face, weapon to weapon, glare to glare. I stared straight into the barrel of her gun as the blade of my scythe rested upon her cheek. I smiled with glee at my discovery. Sorry to say my joy was not returned. At least, not in the same sense as mine. Heehee! My, my, you've become quite determined, haven't you? You even acquired the murderous look I thought would never cross a face such as innocent as yours. HAHAHA!

"Zero," she murmured, cocking the trigger.

I pressed the blade closer to her face, ecstatic at the sight of the blood trickling down her face. Oh, how long it had been since I've been blessed to see the glorious red rivers! Aha! I was itching to get more, and, oh, did little bitch know just what was crossing my mind. You've been reading my blog have you, little cunt? You know my lust for blood has yet to be fulfilled these past few weeks. What a fucking way to start off the new year, eh? Ehehehehe!!!

"Well, well. 'Fates be damned,' eh? I like you're thinking, little girl," I snickered.

"You've killed long enough. I'm taking you in."

I cackled. "Do you have a death wish or are you naturally retarded?"

"Shut it, Evelyn."

Blood poured out in floods, gunshots were fired, and the earth began to shake violently underneath; the force of which threw off my balance and my attack was temporarily ceased. It shook even harder the more I attempted to stand, so I conceded to wait for it to pass. Which took a goddamned lifetime before things settled down again. I sprung to my feet, scythe in hand, but was abruptly stopped short by the obstruction no doubt caused by the earthquake. Several feet across between me and Ella was a god knows how deep fissure that split the land perfectly in half.

"Oh, c'mon!!! What the fuck?? Still monitoring me, you fucking bastard?! Show you're goddamned face, Dark!!! HEY!!!!" I made to run toward the depths of the forest. My pursuit was interrupted by a fraction of a nearby rock exploding as a result of the force of her bullet. Turning around, my gaze caught the sight of Ella holding her gun in one hand and her sliced cheek in the other (Ella, I have to say red is definitely you're color. You should wear it more often~). She fired another shot after I flipped her off. I'm pretty sure she punctured my right lung, but still, it was quite hilarious. Ha! You people don't fucking learn do you?!

"I'm not letting you escape again!" she bellowed as she tried spitting out the blood trickling into her lips.

"Where the fuck did you learn that name?"

ARGH!!! Little FUCK!!! You know you're a bitch!!! You're queer smile just fucking KILLS ME. "From a reliable source, Evelyn." Ha! Now I remember why I'm on a manhunt again. You're just as merciless as I am, Birnhaum. Almost makes me proud to kill you. HAHAHA!!!

"You can go fuck yourself with your gun, Birnhaum. It's the only thing that'll give you pleasure, anyway."

"Does it hurt, Evelyn? To know I have attained your deepest secret?"

"That name has no meaning to me."

"I'm sure your surname has no meaning either. Or did you just happen to forget your last name was Song and your new alias was just a coincidence?"

I smirked and picked up my scythe. She grasped the gun with both hands; I can only IMAGINE the look on her face when she saw I wasn't progressing towards her but back towards the forest. Another bullet flew toward me and bounced off the stem of the scythe.

"I'm not done!"

"You know you can't kill me, Ella. So your efforts are fruitless. I have a busy schedule and you're wasting my time."

"Then I'll make this quick." I heard a series of clicking and looked back to see she had put away the gun. Pft! Diplomatic whore.

"I already told you before. Zero would never converse with someone concerning vital information. Negotiating is out of the question, you dumbass."

"You said you're killing people to be free." Of course the bitch would ignore me. OF COURSE. "Free from what? Slenderman?"

"Parents are sentimental fools," I replied. "They're afraid memories will fade... when really it's the best fucking blessing to forget."

Really, I wish I could've seen her as I was leaving. I only heard restless fidgeting as she attempted to take out her gun. Cursing soon followed as she realized she had used up all of her bullets and even more restless fidgeting occurred as finding more magazines became difficult. Ha! Were you frustrated? Were you scared? Ehehehehe!!! Such a pitiful, predictable human weakling!!!

So! Now that that order of business is in intermission, I'll move on to the next thing on my list... I'm going to have a little chat with the slave of Slender Man, Dark Entity.